diary

8 Years together

Dear diary, 

8 years ago today Dave and I got together! 

We met nearly 9 years ago when I was in a bad place, he was extremely supportive and became my best friend. We could talk to each other about everything and be completely honest about everything! It wasn’t long until we moved in together, honestly, it was more of forcing him to move in with me, as he knew I wouldn’t be able to make ends meet. But, it was the best decision we could have made. 

When we moved into that house we were given a new gift in life, our cat Mishi! She was abandoned by the previous owners, leaving her sleeping in the shed.  We saw her every day and night at the back door, getting skinnier. We couldn’t leave her like that! And, thanks to Dave doing his bodybuilding back then, we had LOADS of tuna! So, her first meal with us was a nice place of tuna! I don’t think I’ve heard a cat purr as loud as she did lol! Unfortunately, we weren’t allowed cats in the property, so we made sure that the outdoor room ( like an outside porch) was comfy and warm enough for her. However, she had different plans, a couple of days later we found her sleeping on our bed, nice and comfy. Doing the cute stretch and looking at us with those eyes saying ” You are my new owners now!”. Before you think we just took a stray cat in, we did take her to the vets to find out if she was chipped and I did put our address on her collar in case, if she had a family, they could of see where she was. BUT… after living there for two years nobody claimed her and she was at home. By the time we had her for a year, I don’t think Dave and I could have lived without her. She’s our baby! 

As soon as Dave and I moved in together life just went super fast! We both graduated from uni, he found an awesome job at the university, we moved two more times in Lincoln and then again into Nottingham, he managed to find an even better job, I graduated with my second uni degree and moved from retail to self-employed as a translator! 

You hear a lot the saying of: “You are not a couple of you don’t argue and fight every now and again”, I call that bollocks! Dave and I have only argued once in the entire 8 years that we’ve been together, unfortunately, my fault. I was stupid and it was still the beginning of our relationship, and looking back at it I can’t believe I did what I did. Thank god Dave is the man he is, or I would have ruined the best years of my life! After that moment, I’ve been honest with him ever since, to the point that now I can’t lie to him, not even for Christmas presents or his birthday! And I’ve found that I’ve never been happier with that ability. 

In my previous relationship, I had to lie, I had to hide things like meeting up with friends, or going to the shop. I worked multiple jobs and then stayed at home, so when I bought myself something it was always hidden. That’s if I could use my own money and not go into luxury holidays paid by me and my student grants.  Yeah, it wasn’t the best of years, and I didn’t realise how bad it got until a friend of mine moved to the UK and I was forced not to go and see her. His reasoning, “She’s a bad influence and she wants to keep you away from me. I won’t let that happen”.  Let’s just say, it didn’t take long until I realised that mum was right all along. Mothers are mostly right! Listen to your mum when it comes to people hahahaha BUT! if it wasn’t for all that I wouldn’t have met Dave. So I am extremely grateful for the life I had, so I can have the life I have now. 

I must say, I have no idea how he can be so patient. I am a HAND FULL! All through the time we’ve been together I’ve gone in an out of jobs (mostly because they closed or made redundant), and because of him I could still follow my ways, I am able to have a choice in life and in what I want to be and become! 

If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be the owner of a house, I wouldn’t have completed my Modern Languages degree and I wouldn’t have everything that a woman wants. I think, if he didn’t have all his patience, I would have ended up back in Spain working at a supermarket or bar wasting my life without a degree (basically following the sheep). Dave pushes me to become a better person and definitely shows me how to be persistent with the goals I want to reach. 

So what I want to say is: Happy anniversary my handsome man! I can’t wait to spend another 50 to 60 more years with you! I know it’s longer than a prison sentence, but… you are stuck with me! WHAHAHAHAHA (evil laugh). 

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Charity · Rant

The secret behind some charities

Dear diary,

You know from my previous posts how I’m looking for a job. I’ve been sending CV after CV to every single job advertisement, the good thing is that I have an opportunity that not many people have, I can choose the jobs I want to apply. This chance that I have is not going to last for long so I’ve been applying only to positions like Admin work, Recruiter, and other jobs that are 9-5 Monday to Friday in an office. As soon as January kicks in, I have to apply for jobs anywhere, especially the dreaded retail. 

Now, why am I talking about that when the title mentions charities? Well, let us start with the info about one of the jobs that I applied for was a “Junior Marketing Assistant” position. When I applied for it I was happy to do what the job description said, some admin work, try to sell the brand etc etc. Perfect! 

What is that they say: “Trust your gut. Your gut feelings are usually accurate and correct. If you truly feel there’s something, chances are there is.”

I got an instant email, INSTANT!, saying that I was accepted to the interview stage.

I want to clarify, the reason I applied for it was because of the description, I didn’t really do any research on the company if I did research on every company I apply for I would be mentally dead. 

So here I am, happy that finally after so many CVs sent and so many rejections I get the opportunity to get a job… at least that’s what I thought. 

The first thing I do when I get an interview is to research the company, find out different things like their financial status (will I be able to keep my job for long-term), any connections to other companies, any info which will WOW the people there interviewing me. And as soon as I saw the golden lion symbol  I knew,  it was the same company I applied for over 9 months ago while I was still living in Lincoln and considering moving to Nottingham. When I went to the interview back there, super excited about it, I was told I could move from basic to region manager in less than 3 months! … that was their selling tactic. Who doesn’t want to become a manager in a short time? the real question is: How is it possible to become a manager in such a short time? If you have the skills and you’ve previously worked as an AM then fair enough, but to start from 0 and be at the top in 3 months? I don’t think so. 

So I did more research. Turns out the company I applied for back then changed the name recently, there can be many reasons for it but I assume it’s something to do with their “work techniques”.  I turned down the job back then and I sent a nice email to them this time saying that I will not be attending the interview. 

You might ask: But you are looking for a job? Can’t you suck it up and just go?

My answer to that would be: How would you feel working for a company that doesn’t pay you minimum wage, only pays you with commission, and your job entails getting people to sign up to charities and on top of it you know that the monthly payments people are paying into this company  will go into high ups pockets? 

Here’s a title from Mail Online: One in five of the UK’s biggest charities are ‘spending less than half of their income on good causes’ (and some spend as little as ONE PER CENT on charitable work) Link

Here’s another title: The Great British rake-off… what really happens to the billions YOU donate to charity: Fat cat pay, appalling waste and hidden agendas Link

There are more than 195,289 registered charities in the UK that raise and spend close to £80 billion a year. Most of them don’t pay their employees minimum wage, and they definitely don’t use the money to do what they offer to do.  And you will ask, well… how are they suppose to pay for the commission you would gain as an employee? how would they pay for the running of the business? 

Here’s your answer: 

Trademarks and Cooperative partnerships.  Did you know that most charities have trademarked words and sentences so, whenever they get used ANYWHERE, they get paid for it? Take the charity Komen, one of the largest and best-funded breast cancer American organisations, they own “for the cure”; so when other small charities use words like “Kites for a Cure”, “Juggling for a Cure”, and “Kayaks for a Cure” this allowed Komen to file legal action against them for ££££$$$$ because they used vaguely similar words to their trademark. Another ridiculous case of this was with the Lance Armstrong Foundation, they spent £400,000 in suing organizations for using the words “live” and “strong”.  These charities, among loads more, are using sizable donor money, expected to be used on cancer research or similar activities, to fund legal action against smaller companies who just happened to use the same colour as they use.

Money is power, right?

And what about the Cooperative partnerships?  Something that came along after I saw the Netflix show “What the Health”, apart from being a 1 hour and a half documentary of how we shouldn’t be eating meat or dairy ( not going to talk about this topic right now) the documentary spoke about how charities use sponsorship to gain more money…. but they are not being sponsored by companies which benefit the people, Opposite! they are companies that actually cause diabetes, cancer, heart diseases and other issues which charities companies jump to the opportunity to “support”. 

At least some are kind of ok…  but where is all the money?

NOW, don’t get me wrong here, I know there are lots and lots of charities out there that do an amazing job, they are there for people and have helped thousands! Here I’m talking about the ones that don’t actually care about the people, they care about the CEO’s pocket. 

Did you know that the lowest-paying charity to make it to the top 100 that pay their executives the most was Reach2 which paid back in 2015 between 140k  to 145k a year to their top man/woman.  Do you know what you can do with that amount of money? If they put 35k of that for themselves as living expenses and then the rest goes into ACTUAL charity work, of 100 top paid charities in the UK alone they could contribute towards ending world hunger and, with some extra help from other companies worldwide, end it within the year.  “The UN estimates ending world hunger each year would cost $30 billion.”

I know I shouldn’t just go against charity companies, there are so many corrupted companies out there making loads and loads of money making sure that this world we live in is strongly divided, like the good old days, between Rich Class, Working Class and the Poor. We know how hard it is to go from Working class to Rick class (although credit cards allowing a lot of people to pretend to be rich), imagine how hard it is for the “Poor Class” – mainly areas where the rich make their profits with the resources- to reach the high life. 

All this rant was caused by one disgusting fact. That the company I was going to go for an interview is one that is connected with a few different ones in charge of going from house to house or selling the charity on the high streets. Targeting vulnerable people or using the Jolly season, all to gain money and not to do any charitable work. Forcing people to join. I will not be part of it, I might be part of this corrupted world, but I will not voluntarily be part of this SCAM. 

Here’s a nice review of people working for this “company”: 

STAY AWAY< SCAM. The company will pay you nothing while you stand in the pouring rain trying to get uninterested people to sign up for charities, so no card details, no wage

The job description is a complete lie. If you want to stand outside from around 8.30am until 6pm trying to get people to sign up to a charity in a local high street then this job is for you. They didn’t pay me for the sales I made. Completely commission based also.

And here you have it, the rant! I feel much better now, still upset for the fact that no matter where you go, what you do, where you live, there’s always some sort of corruption controlling this world. 

I leave you now with this video, a bit low quality but listen to him. We are owned, we are controlled by the real owners of this world. Watch here  George Carlin’s video.

diet · Food and Restaurant Review · Recipe

Cheap, Yummy and Slow

Dear Diary, 

During the process of losing weight, changing my lifestyle and losing my job I’ve had to search for cheap and good food alternatives.  I can’t afford all those fancy things that they ask in recipes, even when you google “easy and cheap” it’s not easy or cheap! So I thought I would share what I make, what helps me and the things I find to make it easy, cheap and tasty.  Low calories food that doesn’t look like this: 

The main and most important part of all this is to keep things fresh and stop the purchase of pre-made food, you know those awesome things that all you need to do is poke the film a few times and shove it in the microwave for 5 minutes?

There are different issues with these kinds of meals, and don’t get me wrong, I lived eating these… but at the same time, I gained loads of weight while doing so.  The first problem is how the FDA allows companies a 20% bracket from the label info,  meaning that there’s a 20% where the nutrition info is wrong (This is for all foods, not only the pre-made stuff).  According to the policies of the FDA:


The calories in a packaged food product can differ from what is stated on the Nutrition Facts label and you may be getting more calories than you bargained for, according to the FDA, food products can contain as much as 20 percent more calories than what is printed on the label. For example, a snack bar labeled as having 200 calories could potentially be 240 calories, and still be within the government labeling guidelines.

This 20% is not only towards calories but every single nutrition info in the label!!

The second problem is the nutrition in each pack, the way the foods are cooked cause the nutrients to disappear like vitamins B and of course, companies don’t have to disclose it. 

And the third problem is not what gets taken out but what gets put back in, for example in chicken nuggets have high levels of AGEs (advanced glycation endproducts) which is linked to diabetes and dementia. 

As you can see, cooking from home with fresh ingredients is always the best option, and YES your mum told you and you didn’t listen!  I still buy things that I need to cook in the oven like Fish Fingers or burgers, but I make sure that I don’t buy the “up to 5 minutes” microwave ready things anymore.

We used to eat them every single day, and then wonder why we were so fat an unhealthy! 

Today, I want to introduce a new addition to my diary writing. The recipes! The first one I added a while back was the pancake I cook for the week. Simple egg whites and oats for a good fiber intake and low calories breakfast/morning snack.  all you have to do is get the two egg whites, mix it together with 20g of porridge oats and then cook it as it if was a pancake. 

Here’s the main recipe of today!

Slow cooker Corned Beef Hash

Ingredients: 

4 sliced carrots, 3 medium size potatoes (or more depending how thing you want it), 1 chopped onion (I like using the red onions but preference), 1 tin of chopped tomatoes, 2 stock cubes in 500 ml of hot water,  salt and pepper to taste and 1 tin of corned beef chopped. 

How to cook it:

Put the potatoes and carrots in the slow cooker first, then add everything else. Cover the slow cooker and cook on high for 5 hours.  Here is where you can personalize it to your liking, the way we like it is mashing it all together when it’s done cooking and having it as a nice thick soup. But, you can leave it as it is. 

Nutrition of a meal:  444Kcal, 14g fat, 29g Protein.

This will make enough for 4 people and can last an entire week in the fridge. Make this or something similar and you will have 2 evening meals planned.  

Planning meals are the best way to control what you are going to eat. Without a plan, you will end up eating something high on calories and normally the easiest this is to put those plastic containers in the microwave. 

Soon I will write about other recipes that I use on a weekly basis to make things super cheap and easy. and also about recipes about goodies that I normally make (Not part of a diet that’s for sure!)

Now, it’s time for me to go and cook some food! 

Food and Restaurant Review · Product Review

Zenpop japan and snacks Review

For years now I’ve been meaning to buy one of these boxes, and with my passion for Japan and it’s culture I couldn’t say no to the opportunity of a single purchase box with all the goodies from Japan.  (Thank you husband!)

One of the main reasons why I haven’t bought a goodies box is because of the need to “subscribe for a minimum of…”, I don’t like the idea of subscribing to something without having a try first. And that’s where #Zenpopjapan appeared. I first heard of it through “Tokyo Creative” a Youtube channel with loads of information about Japan. One of their videos was sponsored by Zenpop.jp, and while they showed all the goodies they got all I could think of was: “I HAVE TO GET ONE BOX!”. Unfortunately, the one-time purchase was SoldOut! and I couldn’t use the discount code BUT, I waited until it was available and begged my husband for $25 as soon as it was available.  

And here we have it! I ordered it on the 25th of October and it arrived on the 13th of November. I did have to wait a while but it was sent all the way from Japan to the UK!. I can’t complain about it when most of the post sent from Spain doesn’t arrive to the UK for two weeks if ever. 

First of all, I wanted to show what Zenpop japan offers. The website has five different options: Sweets, Ramen, Sweets + Ramen, Beauty and Stationary. As a food lover, there was one only option for me…. Sweets and Ramen!

 

The box was a bit battered, maybe someone kicked it while in France. But all the goodies were in perfect condition. Nothing broken.

When opening the box, my eyes shined of happiness! There was a lot there that I have never tried and some you can’t buy in the UK ( or at least in the area I’m in). Let’s dig in!! 

First thing I wanted to try was the “CRATZ Edamame”, I have never tried a green soybean snack before so why not be the first one? Now I wish it was the last one because it was DELICIOUS!!!  You know when you want to continue eating something, normally it’s because of the addiction of it, like when you have Pringles and you keep eating them but you don’t know why as the 30th one doesn’t taste as nice as the first 4? WELL! This was the complete opposite, you wanted to continue eating because each bite was delicious! The burst of flavour was unique but at the same time, it reminded my husband and me of a coated peanut. But 10xbetter! I definitely know what I’m buying when I visit Japan at some point in my dream future.

CRATZ Edamame

Next, we tried the “Salted Peas Chips”, they are now quite common here in the UK with companies like Yushoi distributing them around UK supermarkets.  I do love them and they have become a nice simple snack since I found them 2 to 3 years back.  For those of you who haven’t tried them, imagine having a bite on a cheesy puff with the shape and colour of green beans and the flavour of well-seasoned peas. That’s basically what this is but you can find them in different flavours. This one that came with the box was the normal salted one. 

Calbee Green Pea Snack

The next savoury one in line after the Green Peas Salted Chips was the “Sapporo Potato Tsubu Tsubu Vegetable”. The interesting message about this packet of crisps was the fact that they wanted to show the vegetables inside of the potato crisps.  The “tsubu” for what it says online it means grain but – again for what I have found online- “tsubu tsubu” means freckly. Which makes sense as, as soon as you pick one crisp up you see the freckly vegetables inside it. These reminded me of the “Veggie and Kale straws” that you can find in Aldi but less oily. 

Calbee potato crisp with freckly 7 different vegetables

And finally the Tomato Pretz. I have seen Pretz make before in an international shop where they sold Polish and Oriental food. One of the crisps with tomato flavour was from Pretz. With that in mind, I believed I knew what kind of flavour I was going to get. I was wrong. This pack of stick biscuits/ breadsticks was very nicely done, with an easy way to open the box inside there were 2 bags. And they both had a good quantity of the product inside! Very surprised. When eating something that is tomato flavour, at least for me here in the UK, all I get is sour fake tomatoes. One bite on these and a flashback from my childhood in Spain and Sicily came to mind.

The taste of those tomatoes that you can just pick and bite in them as if they were fruit. The sweet but savoury taste. Definitely, I wasn’t expecting that! 

That concluded the savoury side of this box ( EXCEPT FOR THE RAMEN!). But, because my husband and I already eat before trying this box, we decided to leave the ramen without trying for now and concentrate on the snacks and sweets. So next up in the sweet section: “Petit Matcha Cookies”.  Complete honesty, I personally couldn’t taste the matcha in these. Yes, the taste was slightly different from the normal cookies bought in a shop, but it didn’t wow me. However, they are good as a quick snack as they are small bite size. But for me, the chocolate took most of the flavour. 

Look how cute that matcha bear looks! 

Next, the one I wanted to try the most: Melon Soda Sours! I LOVE MELON! I could eat melon and watermelon every single day if I could. And the next thing I love, sweets. SO!!! This was the best of both worlds! The name “SOURS” makes it sounds as if it’s extremely sour, to the point of making Sid face from Ice Age. 

But it wasn’t like that at all! The sweet is described as hard gummy, not something that I’ve found in the UK as most gummy sweets here they are quite soft and very easy to bite through. Whereas this gummy was tougher to bite into.  THE FLAVOUR! wow! it was like eating a real melon.  It was juicy and fresh and looking at the ingredients you realize that they use pure melon juice. For a few minutes, I decided to enjoy a few of these and just imagine myself on a sunny beach eating melon and enjoying the paradise view. 

Only two things left in the “Sweet” section and anything with a panda and strawberries will ALWAYS get the first pick out of those two! The way the leaflet describes these cookies is “sour-sweet strawberry chocolate with strawberry powder and sour but rich strawberry chocolate”, for me they were more “amazing strawberry chocolate that melts in your mouth like a yoghurt coating on top of nice biscuits.” There was no sour involved in this snack at all, they looked cute, they tasted amazing and it is another thing that I can see myself buying in the future. I can’t really compare it to anything I have tried in the UK. Unique. 

Yes they look exactly like that when you open the bag! 

And finally, something I thought I would really like: Chocolate pie. Who doesn’t like chocolate and who doesn’t like pies?! So these two combined, what can go wrong? Well…. make sure you have a nice drink in hand because this is super dry! Not something I liked, unfortunately.  It has dark chocolate, which I don’t mind at all but…. it didn’t work. The “crispy pie” is more of a “dry pie”.  I can’t find a picture of it online. 

My conclusion?

I will buy from Zenpo.jp again! The cost for all of these is not bad at all (remember there’s still 2 pots of noodles not tried yet!), especially when it’s delivered all the way from Osaka Japan! For me it was worth it with the Cratz, the Sakusaku cookies and the Melon Soda Sours. The company itself was super easy to order with, their website is simple and straightforward. You can select to buy a one time only or subscribe to 3 or 6 months – I’m not sure when I will be able to get another one.  Looking online this pack that I received was the “Green Goodness pack”, it was green for sure and overflowing with goodness! 

As for the goodies inside, it’s made me want to go to Japan even more if that was even possible. Every single pack (while google translating) didn’t contain any of the artificial colouring and flavours that you find everywhere here in the UK.  They were delicious and slightly healthy! Bonus! 

I LOVED IT!  

diary · diet

Step 2 in the lifestyle change

Dear diary,

As you know I’ve been trying to change my lifestyle and lose all the extra weight I put on since I moved to the UK. That was 11 years ago and 35kg lighter!

Back in July 2018, I decided it was time to change. The decision came along when I couldn’t recognize myself in the mirror and all I used was a small makeup mirror. The main shock came when a good friend of mine came round and we took some pictures together. I couldn’t believe how bad I got!

From July to October, I ran 4 miles every day, I calorie counted and I ended up going from 98Kg to 84Kg! I managed to lose 14Kg! I couldn’t be happier with how far I went without crumbling down.

But the time for that “crumbling down” was upon me.

My mum visited me at the beginning of October and it was the best time I have ever spent with her, so much so that when she left I was very sad! I didn’t realise how it affected me, but I ended up eating and not training! It took me an entire month to get my mind straight… well, not completely there yet but, getting there!

I took a picture of myself in September and then another picture of me now, and it got me thinking again. Told myself: This is it! I need to get back into it! I can’t let all this hard work go to waste!

So here’s the picture:

img_20181102_163521285470094893752820.jpg

On the right in September: Size 16 and XL on the top / On the left is now Size 14 and L on top (I still have big boobs lol! – Honestly I see some difference but not that much).

I bought the same top in different sizes as I knew I would be losing weight but I didn’t think I would be using the L size so soon. During this transaction, I changed the t-shirt sizes a lot! I have 3 different piles now: XL pile (for the 89Kg old me), L/M Pile (For the 84Kg now me) and GOAL pile (For the 70Kg future me). I have to reach that Goal pile!!

So here I am, starting from fresh. Today I have decided to make it the day where I go back into my training and my diet. Today I am going forwards and lose the extra 10Kg! Lose the extra jeans size and be able to wear the t-shirts on the Goal pile.

I’ve had my binge eating, no joking tho… I ended up with boxes of chocolate and sweets next to me while watching tv. The calorie counting Cinzia was completely gone!

one small pile of the junk food
This is just one small pile of the goodies I had on Saturday. There’s still some left but…. this was a new buy. For the entire month, we’ve been at the shop buying junk food every 3 days.

What is going to happen now?

Well, I am going to go through the torture of sugar addiction. I will be a week eating less and less sugar until I reach a reasonable point (normally what’s inside of food already and not added), it’s difficult as you end up shaking and wanting to eat something with sugar. But as soon as you do, you are hooked and end up eating more of it. I’ve also decided to do more running, not much but… While I have the opportunity of being at home and not working… I will be running 4 miles in the morning and then another 3 to 4 miles in the evening ( While the hubby is doing his own training).

So here I am again. I don’t know how long this will go but hopefully, I don’t crumble down as I did last month. I can do this!

Future me, here I come! Get those size 12 ready! 

diary

I’m stuck in life.

Dear diary,

It’s been a while since I poured my feelings into this. As you’ve seen. I haven’t written much, apart from the “Tattoo artist shout out!“. And here’s the reason why.

For a while I had high hopes for my future. Finally, I completed my degree, I was working as a translator for a company and I was aiming at opening my own limited company: Translate for a living.

Little did I know that things wouldn’t go as hoped for.

After opening my limited company I ended up getting quite a bit of work all in one go, translating for an Irish company, translating for banks in Italy, translating certificates! It was perfect! I thought: “Here we go!!! This is the amazing start of my career!!”.

But it turns out it wasn’t going to last.

It’s November and I don’t have anything! I’ve contacted people, I’ve been bidding for work, I have my new website… and Nothing! No work and No money.  Talking to people in the same industry, I’m not the only one. For people who have the same languages as I do (Spanish, Italian, Catalan, and English) and they live in Europe, we don’t have a chance anymore because our services are “too expensive”. Not because we charge a lot, I only charge £0.02  to £0.03p per word; but it’s because there are these agencies located in India and Egypt where people without any language skills charge £0.003p per word and then use google translate or equivalent. They can make a living out of that cost, we can’t. I’m not saying everyone who works as a translator and lives in those areas are part of these agencies, but us here in the UK and Europe have noticed the change because of them.

It angers me so much! People like myself, we bid constantly to make a living and we get pushed aside because “it’s cheaper “. Fuck quality right?

So after 4 months of constant battle and trying to make some sort of money I’ve ended up making the decision to close the company. I just can’t afford it. I can’t even afford to pay my rent, how am I going to afford to continue the business running? In the 4 to 5 months I’ve had the business and worked translating, I only managed to pay myself one time. ONE TIME! and that was only £600, enough to pay my rent. No money for other things, no money to tell myself: You deserve this.

Now what? All I’ve worked for, studied for and aimed for …. these past 5 years of my life gone. Yes I have learned a lot and I have grown from it, but it all comes down that I have to start from 0 again.

The questions of: What am I good at? What can I do? What industry can I go into? What can I learn? What is there out there?

I’ve started applying for work in different sectors, here in Nottingham the main one is Finance, but… is that where I want to go? I have never been interested in finance lol!

I must say, because of living with my future husband, he is providing for everything and I couldn’t be more grateful to him for what he is doing and sacrificing. He is giving me the opportunity to choose where I want to go, I don’t have to select what I don’t like, I can choose. At least for a couple of months. I HATE using him (at least that’s how I feel), I like bringing the money in, I want to work to support us both. The thought of not being able to buy him a Christmas present this year angers me so much! I need to find something that I can be proud of doing, happy working for and I can say: I want to continue working here, making a career out of it and retire happy.

What would I like to do? My mind is stuck, I look at what is out there and I’m lost. I feel like my roots have been cut down and I’m trying to reach a place where I can grow again.  I don’t want to waste this amazing opportunity allowing me to find something new that I like, but how can you find something when what you liked is gone?

Maybe I should just walk out of the house, go for walks and not worry about it. Maybe, not thinking about it might bring the ideas. I’ve been stuck inside my house for months now, yes I’ve gone out during the weekend for some fresh air, but during the week I’m in front of this pc applying for jobs, bidding for translation jobs, looking at any sort of education that can give me a push towards something else. That’s all I do, from 8.30am to 5pm. Do I get anything back from all the applications? Nope.  And it’s not like I’m lacking the experience or qualifications for it.

I am sorry that I sound like a moaning bitch. But I know that, if I keep it all in it will get worse and worse. This way, putting it out there, out of my mind, it will show me things a bit more clear. Allowing me to organize my mind and see what I can do.

On top of all this, I ended up putting weight back on. LOL. I stopped dieting and exercising at the beginning of October and from then until now I’ve been eating loads and not doing any workouts. I can’t blame that on anyone except myself. When my mum arrived at the beginning of October I didn’t want to be spending time calorie counting and running, as soon as she left I was crying for a week (I miss her a lot!), and then I got into this mindset where everything is going wrong and what can I do?!

It’s all spiraled down. I need to see what I can bring for my future. Honestly, I wish I had the mentality of both of my brothers, one is in Grand Canarias building his own little tent out of wood on the beach and living off fishing and surfing, and the other one is being paid to play saxophone around the world. I’m the one stuck in the middle without a purpose.

Yes, I can get a job, I can work at a shop again, I can work at a restaurant again, but this is not what all this moaning is about. I want THE job. The job that I can be proud of, the job that each and every one of us wants in their own way.

I had it…. but it just slipped through my fingers. Disintegrating in front of me.

So no, I can’t look back. I need to look forward. I need to look into the future! What am I good at? I have good people skills; What are the things I enjoy? Writing (badly I know), Technology, Travel, Languages, craft.  So what can I be? What can I do?

What I don’t see myself being? As a teacher (I don’t have the patience for kids, honestly teacher our there I don’t know how you do it), as a carer (I just know, I don’t have the power to be a carer. You have to have a strong heart and will to do that, and I admire every single person who is a career). So what can I be? What can I aspire to be?

Are you doing what you wanted to do since you were a kid?

At one point I wanted to be an archeologist, but as soon as I was 19-20 I knew it wasn’t for me. So I started teaching languages, I really enjoyed it, but I wouldn’t be able to do that now. From there I chose to be a translator, the use of languages to bring the world together, one customer at a time. A world that I have to say goodbye to. From school I was an average student, I don’t want to be an average person. I want to thrive! I want to reach places!

But right now, I don’t know how. I’m truly stuck.

diary · Shop Review · Tattoo

Tattoo Artist shout out!

Dear Diary!

On the 23rd of October, I went into Thundercat Tattoo Studio in Nottingham and had my second tattoo done by Wiktoria aka Chestnut.

I wanted to take this opportunity to express how happy I am with the artist and the studio!

First I would love to talk about the artist. Her name is Wiktoria Sztompka and she’s from Poland. I first saw her style when Thundercat Tattoo Studio showed what their guests did during summer. I fell in love with her style!

I immediately contacted her to find out if she would come back! She instantly answered back and reassured me that she was going to be back in Nottingham at the end of October! I was super excited!!! These are some of her work:

Her work is breathtaking

When I met her in person, I could see why she’s such a good artist. Her personality is vibrant and refreshing, and on top of it, she is professional. Her passion for tattooing showed when we spoke during our two to three-hour session. During the session, we took a small break, while on that break a woman walked in who wanted a tattoo from Chestnut and she happily did a 10-minute consultation. Within that consultation, you could see the eyes of this new client light up! While talking about the future tattoo, Chestnut was creating on the fly the unique design that the client wanted.

I loved how she puts that love on every single design.  These are her social media links, please check them out!

Facebook: @Chestnuttattoo , Instagram: chestnut_tattoo , Pinterest: Chestnut Tattoo

Her goal is to be able to be a guest tattoo artist around the world! I would love that for her and for her magic appear around the world!

So what did she tattoo on me?

Well, when I contacted her I asked if she could incorporate two of her previous work and make it unique. Before the session a notification appeared from her Instagram, she added a short video on her story. It was my tattoo! She was drawing it from scratch!! While on the tram ride to the studio I was falling in love with the work and I was getting more and more excited about it!

And here it is:

tatt

I couldn’t be happier! And definitely getting a third one by her! 

All this experience wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for Thundercat Tattoo Studio in Nottingham. I don’t think I would have been able to find Chestnut if it wasn’t for them!

As soon as I walked into the studio I was welcomed and made sure I was comfortable. Everyone in there created this friendly atmosphere, the team talked to each other as if they have been childhood friends. I even got to the point where I was joining in with the jokes and laughs. While being tattooed, I was incorporated in the conversations, making me feel part of this friendship they all have.

Definitely, a place to go back and a place to suggest for other people who want tattoos.

Here are the links for Thundercat Tattoo Studio:

Website: https://thundercattattoostudio.com/ , Facebook: @thundercattattoostudio

I wasn’t expecting to have such an awesome day with everyone there. And I want people to have the same awesome experience.